


Tropical Balm

by replicanon



Series: Tropicana [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Coming of Age, Complicated Relationships, F/F, F/M, M/M, Memory Alteration, Multi, Outdoor Sex, Pining, Pre-Kingdom Hearts II, Sex, Summer, Summer Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:06:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23823541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/replicanon/pseuds/replicanon
Summary: Selphie notices the way Kairi looks out to sea. She wonders who she's looking for. She wishes it were her.
Relationships: Kairi/Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Kairi/Selphie (Kingdom Hearts), Selphie/Tidus/Wakka (Kingdom Hearts)
Series: Tropicana [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1716523
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	Tropical Balm

**Author's Note:**

> This fic should work fine as a standalone. I believe it has more meaning if you read the whole series, but it's up to you.
> 
> Typo corrections appreciated. Hope you enjoy.

The heat of summer is a tropical balm sitting upon her skin. It soothes and heals, stings and clings. There's something magical about it, the moment in time that lies within its stifling, sticky burn, begging to be recalled. Memories of when the sun was high and sweltering and the sunsets were gold and rose. Life was sad then, but happy in a way Selphie isn't sure she'll ever be again. It was simple and sweet, with just a hint of bitter-sour underneath it all.

She sits on the pier and kicks her legs, watches the others play in the waves. She'll head down in a little while, swallow the aftertaste of summer's tears and join her friends in gathering water that sparkles like jewels in the sunlight. For now though, she sighs and let's the humid air settle over her, mind adrift on the seas of memory.

* * *

Selphie feels like something's missing although she can't say what.

Oh, she knows Riku's missing, can't say if she's worried or if she's excited. On one hand it's a big journey he's gone off on alone, and though she admires him she's sure there was something strange stirring just beneath the surface right before he left. She worries about that—the things inside his heart. On the other hand he's strong and capable, so she believes he'll come back and tell them all crazy stories about the things he's seen, what he's been up to, stuff like that. He'll be okay, she's sure of it!

There's nothing she can do for him anyway, so she focuses on the mysteries she can do something about. That is, she sure Kairi knows something—about why he's gone, how he left, where he's going, what's _missing_ —but there's not much Selphie can pick up on without pestering her. As it is Kairi says she doesn't remember much, says her head's too fuzzy. The adults asked her over and over, but all she knows is that they were building a raft—her and Riku—and that's what Riku probably left on.

"Just the two of you, huh?" Selphie teases as they lay on the floor doing homework. "I kinda wish you'd invited me. The boys are really getting into that stupid ball game Wakka's always going on about and it's so, so boring when it's all they wanna play."

"Hm," Kairi presses the end of her pencil to her lips. Selphie stares, follows the line of it. "Just me and Riku, huh..."

"Well, yeah. Unless someone else was going with you?"

Her head tilts, red hair spilling over her shoulder. "But there's no one else, right?"

"Not unless you've got a secret friend you haven't telling me about!"

Kairi laughs. "How would I have one of those, silly? You know everyone here!" She reaches over to poke her nose with her pencil, gets her lips instead. Selphie's glad she's got a grip. It'd be so embarrassing to blush over something like that.

_An indirect kiss with a pencil, seriously?_

"Well next time you're thinking of going on adventure take me with you, okay? You know I'm pretty good with a rope!"

Kairi laughs. That gets Selphie's blood pumping, gets her up and running around the room swinging her skipping rope like it's the deadliest weapon in the world. Her heart thunders, room sweltering as she flails, goofs off for Kairi's entertainment—her claps the music accompanying Selphie's dance. It's always summer on Destiny Islands, and though she remembers the stories Riku liked to tell, it's nearly impossible for her to imagine seasons beyond 'wet heat' and 'wetter heat', can't imagine a world that isn't blazing, damp.

She keeps up her performance until she slips on a sheet of paper and tumbles back onto the bed. Kairi's at her side in an instant, checking if she's alright. She nearly shoos her away because _of course_ she's fine, really, no need to worry, but Kairi's hands feel so nice in her hair, checking for bumps.

So instead she says, "Why did you and Riku want to go alone?"

The hands in her hair still. Kairi's eyes narrow, but she's just thinking. After a second she sits on the bed. She looks so confused, so uncomfortable that Selphie wriggles over and pulls her down into a hug. It's not unusual—admittedly Selphie's more used to wrestling people than hugging them, but that's only because the boys are dumb most of the time and get self-conscious when she gives them cuddles.

Except when she hugs Kairi she sort of gets why boys are dumb. _Guess I'm a little dumb too._

Kairi bites her lip, squirms closer despite the heat. Their legs tangle, just a little. There's not really room for two on the bed. "We were...close?" Kairi says. "I know we were close but there's something—something else?" Selphie's heart stops, but then Kairi shakes her head. "I don't remember. I guess it must've just been that we were close, although..."

"Although?"

"It feels like something's missing."

Selphie's heart starts again, and she begs, pleads with it to be quiet while she's pressed up against Kairi. "Well duh, I mean, you didn't invite me! Who else was gonna keep the pep in your step? Silly old Riku? No way!"

Kairi giggles. "Yeah, that's it Selphie."

She's so soft, so sweet, and a little shiver sneaks up Selphie's spine when she squeezes her. "Next time you make plans to go tell me, okay? I wanna go with you." Inside, she's not so sure she wants to leave the Islands, but _I wanna be with you_ seems like too much to say right now.

Kairi smiles. "Okay Selphie, okay."

They linger on the bed after that, idling until evening turns to night and Kairi heads home. In her absence Selphie picks up a pencil lying innocently on her table and presses it to her lips.

* * *

Sex is nice.

Its not really anything out of the ordinary for Selphie either. Sure, she doesn't sleep with everyone who comes her way—too reckless, even for her—but she, Tidus, and Wakka have an arrangement that works perfectly for them. _If you need it, talk to me and we'll see_. Simple, short, and sweet.

They'd started seeing each other a little while after Riku had disappeared, after Kairi'd been found alone on the play island with no idea where he went. Selphie's glad, because that was when she began needing it. Sure, she'd had urges before, but Kairi's special, and for some reason she's started noticing her more. It's almost like something happened, an absence, a moment of fear or parting she can't remember that made her realize her feelings.

She's always liked spending time with her, liked the way she indulged her romantic notions more than the boys did—though Riku might've if he wasn't in denial, and boy, oh boy, it'd be nice if Tidus grew up one day and didn't respond to every lovey-dovey concept with flustered, garbled nonsense! She liked to play with her, liked her energy and the fact she was never bothered by a win or a loss. As much as Selphie wished they'd play-fought more, it was nice to have one person in their group who wasn't mad competitive. 

More than that though she liked talking to her, liked how nice her laugh and smile were, how fun she was when she teased them or made them trinkets, how much she believed in her friends. How she waited, and how she sought them in her way. 

There was just something about her; a mystery, maybe. It was like waiting for a seaside bloom to blossom just so you could see what lay inside. What were her colors, what was her shape, what did she contain? Would it be like the stories where Selphie found something wonderful, a heart full of sweet nectar and honey, or would there be only sorrow inside?

Selphie wonders if she cares too much. Way before Riku had vanished the girls had bonded with each other over missing pieces and unknown things. They'd wondered where Kairi's birth family was, what they'd been like, and they'd wondered where Selphie's had gone. They talked about girls arriving at night on shooting stars and parents vanishing in the dark on stormy seas.

Both of them had new families that loved them, families that they adored, but the girls were still been curious. The missing pieces weren't so much 'family' anymore, but little mysterious pieces of their past to claim. The desire to be loved was seen to, but the desire to know still lingered.

_Who were they? What happened? What were they like? What were the last things we said to each other? When was the last time we hugged?_

_Did I ever get my goodbye?_

_Will I ever get another chance to say it?_

It's something she keeps in mind; when she waves to Kairi from the hilltop, when she called to her from her boat back when they visited the play island, when they hug because the other looks sad and mopey. She's sure Kairi thinks of it too—ways to say goodbye, promises to see each other again.

"I feel like someone was there with me when Riku left," Kairi's voice flits through her mind, a memory from a month ago. "I feel like someone was thinking of him like I was, thinking of me like I thought of..." Her voice fades with the tide, thoughts like footprints in the sand. "I feel like I made a promise. I said goodbye but not forever. To Riku, to..."

Selphie listens. She lets Kairi tell her about the strange dreams she's been having ever since she woke on the play island. She lets her talk about words, stories, lessons, comfort, the shape of her home before this one—something she's never remembered before. Rather than let the strangeness drive a wedge between them, Selphie draws her closer, hugs her. She hopes one day Kairi's petals pull back to reveal something beautiful inside and that the sun kisses her until she's bright and happy.

But what had Selphie been thinking about?

Oh yeah, sex!

So a few weeks after Riku's vanished it hits Selphie like a hurricane; the urge. Kairi and Selphie have always been friends and pretty physical ones at that. Selphie's touchy-feely and Kairi's always happy to go along with it. Now though, Selphie's got dumb girl syndrome—the aptly named female equivalent of its dumb boy counterpart. The girl version is still less dumb than the boy version though, because she doesn't let it stop her hugging her friends. She'll hug Tidus, Wakka, and even Riku when he comes home.

Yeah, he's getting one whether he likes it or not.

But the thing is she gets it, a least a little. She's not as dumb as her friends, doesn't feel like she can't hug the average boy or girl, but when she's with Kairi there's always—something. Even when it's innocent she can feel something stirring in her stomach. It's not just the humidity that makes her sweat when Kairi moves, when their arms and legs brush. She finds herself taken in by the way she tucks her hair behind her ear, the way her fingers curl around the strap of her bag, the way it knocks against her legs. Up, up, to where her thighs meet her skirt, to the rise of her chest, to the color in her cheeks, to her eyes, to her lips and—

Ah.

Tidus and Wakka are friends. They're fun and she loves them with all that she is but they don't stir her up the way Kairi does. It's easy to be with them, to goof off with them, to sleep with them. They stress her out sometimes but it's worry for them and their drama, not something that starts with _her_. She gets jealous sometimes, that they have each other when they want to screw around with a boy but there's no girl she's comfortable asking.

Then again, she's not ready to ask the girl she wants to do it with. She doesn't ask herself why it has to be her, though she knows. She doesn't ask herself why she ignores the other girls, though she knows.

Tidus, Wakka. Nice, easy sex.

 _If you need it, talk to me and we'll see_. Simple, short, and sweet.

So when they need it they find her, and when she needs it she finds them.

And right now, she needs it.

The reason why is ridiculous. Selphie's not that clumsy—although she pretends—but oh gosh, some jerk whizzing past on their bike downhill would be enough to trip anyone over. Kairi's safe, ducking to the side as Selphie falls, falls, and there! She gets a view she knows she shouldn't enjoy as much as she does. She shouldn't, she shouldn't—

But Kairi's panties are pink, white, and painfully cute, and Selphie wants, wants, _wants_.

Instead she holds it in, waits until she gets to school and catches Tidus in one of the hallways. "Do you really want to go to math?" She asks.

No surprise, he doesn't.

They cut class and go to their favorite spot, a windowed alcove in one of the corridors a little less traveled. The view is pretty, it's out of the way, and there's plenty to lean on as Tidus hefts up one of Selphie's legs and fucks her from behind.

She's already wet. Apparently dumb girl syndrome means getting one look at a girl's panties and summoning a monsoon. She makes the comment and Tidus laughs, sympathizes, remembers to reach around and unbutton her shirt with his free hand. She sighs as he squeezes her breast, breath hitching with his thrusts.

"We might need to cut down on this," he mutters, thumbing her nipple. "I've missed a lot of math this year."

"I'll—ah! I'll help you catch up," Selphie promises, shifting so his cock sinks a little deeper inside. "Maybe stop cutting with Wakka—or invite me at least!"

"Ngh, I just—it's complicated. I think he's gonna ask Lulu out and if he scores, well, she's a lot cooler than us. What if she doesn't want him hanging around with us like this?"

Selphie pauses to think, but only because she knows who Lulu is, who she used to date before he died. She knows what people are going to say if she says yes to Wakka even though Selphie's seen them hanging out together, knows there's more to their bond than just them mourning his brother together.

And sure maybe it's weird, but people _are_ weird. Selphie doesn't care about that, just about them. What matters to her is her friend's happiness.

_Still..._

"Wakka's not gonna score, Tidus," she laughs, voice shaking now she's close. His thrusts hit her deep, just right, and she's loose and slippery and ready. She tightens now and then, but only because she feels so good, wants to keep him inside.

Tidus moans, struggles to get his words out. "Ouch, Selph. What's that?"

"Because—nh! Almost—almost! Keep hitting there!"

Tidus stops to readjust his angles then pounds into her, whimpering her when she squeezes him; her _thank you_. "Why Selph? I wanna know!"

"Because," and she laughs again, "because all Wakka can think about is balls, Tidus."

She's not wrong and there's no way Lulu is gonna date another Blitzballer—not so soon anyway, not with the shadow of the boy she loved still hanging over her, over Wakka—but then the other shoe drops and Tidus cackles, grips her breast a little too tight. 

"T—Tidus," she hisses, knows he's close. "If you pop off without me—"

"I know, I know," Tidus huffs, runs his hand down her body to her folds. He's always awkward, rubbing clumsily through her slick until, by luck, he finds her clit. It's enough though, just what she needs, and clumsy or not his fingering has her shaking, spasming. She gasps as heat floods through her, gushes all over Tidus's cock. He groans, leans in, and kisses her neck, cock sliding out to come in his hand—very polite, although he wasn't at first. He lowers her leg slowly as they both shiver, afterglow setting in.

They clean up and dress when they're steady, throwing the window open to let a breeze in. Selphie leans against the sill while Tidus takes the wall next to it, air cooling the sweat on their skin.

"You're right," Tidus says.

"About what?" Selphie asks.

"Lulu. I don't think she's that into Wakka—not like that, anyway. She liked Chappu but his balls were the one thing that didn't do it for her."

"Hm." Selphie hangs her head back, looking out over the school gardens and the town beyond.

"I guess," Tidus said, "it's a good thing he has us then since he loves balls so much."

It takes a moment for the other shoe to drop. When it does she picks up her head and laughs, kicks Tidus in the shins. "I bet you wish I had balls Tidus! It'd be a lot easier for you to find them than my clit!"

"Hey! S'not my fault it's hard to find."

"It is not hard to find and it is too your fault," Selphie says, rolls her eyes. "But golly, you're making me wish I had a pair just so I'd know what it's like for you to not have to go rummaging around down there every time. It's like you're trying to find your lotion at the bottom of your backpack."

"Aw, Selphie!"

"Nah, Tidus," she sticks out her tongue. "Suck my balls, I win this one."

He laughs, sidles closer and hugs her around the waist. "Well if I can tolerate Wakka's then I'm sure I could suck yours. I'd love you just as much if you had them, y'know that?"

"Sweet, if I ever get 'em we can try it out," she shoves him off, but it's only so they've got an excuse to start wrestling around in their alcove. It's fun, and it's even more fun when she wins and doesn't get her hair ruined by one of his noogies. It seems like it might not be her day until she laughs, adds, "You better hope your girlfriend does have balls Tidus or she's gonna totally outclass you in bed!"

"Aw Selphie c'mon—agh!" His whining cuts off, her distraction giving her the upper hand just long enough to get his head squarely under her arm. She cheers and he squeaks, "Look, it's just hard to find! Half the time it feels like you've got too much down there, the other half like there's not enough. The clit's tiny!"

"Then it's balls or you'd better hope your girlfriend's a pixie whose everything will fit in the palm of your hand, Tidus, cause the rest of us are always gonna be too much and not enough!"

Tidus whines and she noogies him, but then he breaks free and they're back to wrestling in moments. It's fine. It keeps Selphie from thinking too hard about why she needed to see him in the first place.

_Sex is nice and easy. Feelings are too much and not enough._

* * *

Kairi is wonderful.

She always has been, of course. Selphie remembers when they were both tiny girls, remembers how much fun she was. Yeah, she was a little less able to deal with island life than the others, a little less inclined to brawl, but she loved racing and crafting and exploring the trees, the little springs, the caves, delighted in learning how to build bonfires and cook using their methods, enjoyed documenting flowers and hanging off branches.

And alright, she _could_ brawl if she wanted to, she just didn't usually want to. That was fine. If Selphie missed having another girl in their group to fight against she never missed out on anything else. The boys were great and all but Kairi responded to her energy in _all_ things—romance _and_ reckless stupidity—and it was nice not feeling like the odd duck out, not feeling like the only flower that didn't quite bloom right.

Maybe every girl felt that way sometimes—or did other girls even feel like flowers at all? If they did then maybe the boys did too. Selphie can't say. _I just know it's nice not being the lonely-only one in a group. I guess most people would understand that._

Whatever the case, memories of sitting on the pier or fishing with Kairi are precious things. Memories of the two of them bullying the boys until they got to ride around on their shoulders were even better—better than when the boys hopped on their shoulders anyway, ouch!

What she remembers best are their conversations though; the ones where Kairi's cheeky, where she teases, where she's thoughtful and kind, and even the ones where they're both sort of boring really.

"What's something you like, Selphie?" Kairi asked once. They were really little at the time and Kairi'd just arrived recently.

"Only one something?" Selphie tilted her head, thinking.

"Well somethings, I guess."

"Hmmm, well I like fruits, especially paopus, and skipping ropes! Oh, and I like when Wakka piggybacks me around! I like swimming and catching fish with my hands and fireworks! I like sunsets and flowers and I like my family and my friends and my house. My room's the best!"

"Do you like adventures?"

"I don't mind it. Adventure's pretty romantic after all! But I mean, do you really think there's anywhere as nice as Destiny Islands out there? Really?"

"I don't know," Kairi admitted. "I don't remember where I came from. I don't remember my old family."

Selphie leaned down to look up at her. "Does that make you lonely?"

"A little," Kairi shrugged. "I don't remember so I can't really miss it properly but I do get sad. Like sometimes I'll look at flowers and wonder about them or mom will tell me stories and I feel strange. I wonder if my old family is okay too. Other times I don't really mind though, because everyone here is so nice and my new mom and dad are really nice to me."

"Well, that's good! I'm sure where you come from matters too but..." Selphie looked away, thought of storms and waves and moving homes, "but where you end up is important too. A bit of destiny's magic and a bit of choice! That's how you make a 'meant-to-be', yeah?"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah! It's like the paopu legend. If two people share a paopu their destines are intertwined! You gotta make the choice to share it though and then when you do the magic will help you stay together. And, uh..."

"Thoughts wash out to sea?" Kairi teased.

Selphie pouted. "Kairiiii!" She strung out the sound. They tussled for a moment, nearly toppling into the sea, but there's nothing but smiles on their faces when they pulled away from each other. Selphie leaned in close and said, "I guess what I wanna say is it's okay if you feel lonely sometimes because it's sad to lose a home. We wanna be with you though, so if you wanna be with us then this can be your home too! I know all the boys like you and so do I!"

"Home is where the heart is," Kairi giggled.

"Yeah! And if your heart's big enough you can have more than one! It can be inside a lot of places, people, y'know? Up to you!"

Kairi's eyes lit up and her smile was like a rosy sunset; deep blue eyes, red hair, cheeks glowing and warm.

Selphie thinks her smiles still look like that. They've never stopped shining as they grew up, always taking her back to some nostalgic place when they're playing or talking and she sees that smile. When Kairi's happy she's lovely and when she's sad, well, Selphie is too, but somehow Selphie's always a slobbery, sulky mess, while Kairi seems mystical, magical as ever.

Maybe it's her longing; for light, for happiness, for things both unchanging and ever-changing. Selphie can't really tell if she wants to put down roots or float on the wind. Maybe that's the fate of an ocean blossom, as meant to drift through the sky as she is to grow upon the land.

Selphie just hopes, no matter what, she gets to blossom with her. Being alone is no fun after all.

* * *

Sleepovers are the best thing. Sleepovers are the worst thing.

There's just something about them, Selphie thinks. The delusion that you're gonna get any homework done, the delight when you realize your parents don't expect you to, the hours spent making food and brushing hair, playing games and listening to music, telling jokes and talking, and playacting dramas before you nearly break a lamp and realize you need to chill, wah!

It's all the best parts of lunch hour but without the uniforms and with that special intimacy that only nighttime brings. Yeah, that's right, even goofing off after school can't beat it!

But then that's the problem; intimacy.

Their fun ended an hour ago, lights out being a half hour before that. The moon filters in through Selphie's blinds, lending the room an ethereal hue. Maybe that's just Kairi though, conked out after a busy day. Tomorrow's the weekend but she still checked out early, red hair splayed over her pillow, lips parted slightly. It might just be her dumb girl syndrome, but to Selphie she's so pretty when she's painted in moonbeams, the light of Destiny Islands' nights always beautiful.

Selphie doesn't mean to watch her sleep, arms crossed on the edge of the bed and head resting on them. At first she was just sulking, hoping that if she pouted hard enough Kairi would wake up and they could go back to telling stories and sharing gossip. When that failed she'd tried nodding off herself, failed, and decided it'd be more fun to just get up again and pout some more.

And that's it—the sordid story of how she ended up watching Kairi sleep, taking in the curve of her eyelashes, the way her body went slack, soft in her sleep. Like this Selphie can even see the shadows under her eyes, the ones she tries to hide. They're worries Selphie doesn't know or understand, though she wishes desperately Kairi would talk to her about them.

"What's on your mind?" She asks. "I feel like I almost see it sometimes, when we're standing out by the sea. It's like you're looking for someone."

_I wish it were me._

Selphie sighs. Misery doesn't get a chance to settle though.

Instead Kairi shifts, shirt riding up to reveal a sliver of her stomach. She's so pale, hasn't been wearing clothes that show off her skin there lately. Something in Selphie stirs at the sight, Kairi's vulnerability awakening some strange feeling inside her. She ignores it. She likes that Kairi trusts her, likes that she makes her feel safe, likes that she's happy to stay the night. She likes Kairi, and even though she's pretty when she's happy and when she's sad, Selphie's not really a big fan of doing anything that'd hurt her. Selphie's not a big fan of putting anyone in proper pain anyway, unless they're mean!

But she can't help how she feels. She likes seeing Kairi's vulnerable side. She's comforted knowing it's not just 'something' she feels either, a sweet softness that sings seeing Kairi this way existing by its side.

Still, there's more than just 'something' and softness stirring inside her, something mischievous also making itself known. She quells the first two desires but fails to stop the impish brat jumping up and down, puffing out her cheeks as she makes her demands known. Selphie surrenders. _Will this wake her?_ She wonders. _Well_ _I suppose if it does she can fix her top._

With that thought done she reaches out and pokes her. "Heh." Kairi's stomach gives just a little, pleasantly squishy. Selphie tilts her head where it rests, pokes a few more times. "Cute."

Should she pull her shirt down or leave it up? The view's nice, and maybe there's a part of her entertaining the delusion that Kairi would love to share this side of herself with her, but all the same seeing her like this makes her feel sad, lonely, a little strange. 

She's still pondering when she glances up and sees Kairi's eyes are open.

"Having fun?" She asks.

Selphie squeaks, draws her hand back. For a second she's terrified, waiting for Kairi to call her a pervert and a creep. The moment never comes.

Instead she laughs. "Relax Selphie, I'm not bothered."

"Really?"

"Yeah," Kairi sits up, shirt slipping down to cover her stomach once more. Selphie frowns, sets her crossed arms on the bed once more. "What were you doing?" Kairi asks.

"Poking you," Selphie says. It's the truth after all.

Kairi raises a brow. "Really? Cause it kinda looked like you were watching me sleep."

"Uhhh..."

Kairi shrugs. "I'm not gonna freak. It's a little weird but I guess I did pass out on you. That's kinda boring, right?" She stretches and her shirt rises, stomaching peeking out for just a second. Then it's gone and just like that, something changes. "Maybe you had the right idea though, staying up."

"Hm?"

"I was having trouble sleeping."

"You okay?" Selphie asks, feels a genuine tug on her heartstrings. _Oh_ , she's got it bad.

"I..." Kairi turns toward the window, light again painting her face in pretty colors. Usually it's the sunset that brings out her mystique but tonight it seems the moon gets that privilege. "I guess I just..." She covers her heart with her hand, "I miss them."

"Them?" Selphie cocks her head. "You mean Riku?"

"Yeah, Riku and..." Kairi furrows her brows, lips trembling. Then, just as suddenly, she's shaking her head. "Just Riku, I suppose. I worry, although there's nothing I can do for him right now. He's strong so I'm certain we'll see each other again but—I just—I wish I could remember what happened when he was leaving, what we were doing on the island together..." Her face screws up then smooths. It's enough to make Selphie's stomach turn, how quick she shifts between the two. Still, her smile's lovely when she says, "Maybe I'm missing you guys too. We haven't been hanging out together as often as we used to."

Selphie winces. It's true. The four of them haven't been hanging out so much lately. It's partially because Riku isn't around anymore—which makes group get-togethers as much sad events as happy ones—and partially because Tidus and Wakka are always off whacking balls and, er, 'whacking balls'—such fun recreational activities! Deep down though, Selphie knows it's because she feels awkward. She loves being with Kairi, really she does! But she also feels she should stay away.

 _But of course she's lonely. With Tidus and Wakka busy and Riku away I'm the only one left from our friend group. The six of us on that island together—no, wait, five!_ A surge of embarrassment joins the shame in her stomach. _C'mon Selphie! You know you're smarter than other people think you are! Tidus might not be able to afford skipping math but you should be fine!_

Out loud she clears her throat. "M'sorry," she sighs. "I've had some things on mind. That's no excuse though, so I'll try to be around more, 'kay?"

"Okay," Kairi says. Selphie's eyes follow her hand as it trails down her chest, stops to play with the hem of her shirt. "Hey Selphie?"

"Yeah?"

"You seem lonely sometimes."

She makes a little noise, too baffled to say anything else. Kairi giggles, which is nice at least.

"Is that a weird thing to say? I guess I was just...thinking. I see the way you look at me sometimes." Oh, that's not good. "It's sort of like...you're longing for something?" Selphie's blood goes cold and she wonders how she could slip up so badly. "I feel it too." Oh—wait, what?

"Kairi?" Selphie whispers, can't speak any louder.

"I didn't think you were going to do anything," Kairi says, "but you looked so lonely when you were touching me." Her hand slides up again, catching on her shirt and revealing her stomach. This time the action's deliberate though, _real_. Selphie's brain melts out her ears.

"Kairi, what are you..."

"I look out over the sea and I just," her eyes come back to Selphie and Selphie stares. "I can't shake it. There's this loneliness that won't go away. The boys are off playing and Riku's off on his raft but you, you're here, you're with me, and I feel like you can _see_ me and I just—"

Selphie leans back, eyes wide as Kairi lifts her shirt clean off. There's no bra—she wouldn't wear one to bed of course, especially not when the heat makes you sweat in your sleep—which means Selphie can really, _really_ see her. It's just her, shirtless, in her tiny sleep shorts. Her chest rises and falls, soft, her cheeks red in the moonlight.

"I'm lonely," she says, voice shaking, "and I feel like something's missing. I don't know why but—but when you're with me I feel like I can get through the day and...aren't you lonely too?"

Finally it clicks that Kairi's not just telling her something, she's offering her something, _asking_ for something. Selphie feels her voice in her throat, too startled to stammer, though she knows she can't just keep gaping like a fish. Kairi's eyes are like the ones she roves the sea with at sunset and Selphie knows she wouldn't ask just anyone for this. She wouldn't.

She's asking her.

She's trusting her.

"I like you," Kairi whispers. "I want to do this with you."

It's everything she's ever wanted to hear. Selphie clambers onto the bed and hugs her, feels a pleasant shiver go down her spine when Kairi's bare chest presses against her clothed one. She holds her close, brushes her lips against her ear. "Me too. I've wanted to do this for a really long time."

It's embarrassing to admit but Kairi just giggles. She drags them both down to lie on their sides and Selphie's heart is thundering in her chest. _But I know what I'm doing and Kairi doesn't. She's gotta be even more nervous than I am!_ And maybe that pressure—to make Kairi's first time good—gives Selphie more anxiety.

It also gives her strength.

Their clothes come off and then it's hands on skin, touching, sliding, learning. Kairi really is like the sea at sunset, her body rolling gently like the waves. Her curves aren't obvious, but they're there, soft and smooth and so, so sweet to touch. Selphie leans in, presses her lips against Kairi's, shifts so she can press one leg between both of hers. They part easily and Selphie thrills when one comes to rest on her hip, inviting. Maybe that's like the sea at sunset too, quiet, rosy whispers singing _come inside, come inside_.

Selphie's gentle, slow. Her body vibrates with energy—all her pent up longing, lust, love—but she won't rush this. She kisses Kairi's neck, cups her breast, caresses over her back and thighs. She touches her until she whimpers and then rolls them over, Selphie sitting on top, taking control. Kairi stares up at her and she's so, so beautiful; soft, strong, hot and wet, and Selphie feels that last intimately when she moves their bodies, presses them together. Kairi gasps and Selphie shivers.

She watches as Kairi comes undone under her, calling wordlessly as Selphie grinds down, rolls her hips. Sometimes she even stutters her name, always catching on that first letter. Sometimes she looks a little confused until she looks up, sees Selphie smiling, and reaches out for her.

"Hold me. Please."

Selphie does, kissing her as she comes apart, their shapes blending together beneath the light of the moon.

"Are you still lonely?" She asks, feels Kairi's heart slow.

"Not so much anymore," she giggles.

Selphie smiles. _That's good. That's enough._

* * *

Selphie's never been the sort to wallow. Sure, she sulks sometimes, but the worst it's ever been is a few days and then _boing_! She bounces right back up! Even when her parents died, even when Riku went missing—and that hurt despite the fact she can't remember those days well—she clambered out of her misery quick. Sadness becomes a mire just as fast though, she thinks, and the longer you linger there the more stuck you get.

Selphie never wants to get stuck there. She can't imagine the sort of things someone who felt that hurt and trapped might do. 

Right now though she's got the sun in her chest. It's burning bright and she's got way more energy than she knows what to do with! That last is impressive too because she's doing more than usual.

She's doing Kairi!

She's _dating_ Kairi!

_Booyaka!_

The thought makes her absolutely, positively giddy! Sure the shift is subtle and a lot of things don't really change. She still walks to school with her friends—sometimes in groups, sometimes in pairs—but now it's just her and Kairi on the way back. She still throws pencils at Wakka and Tidus when they're doing their homework or complaining about assignments, still comforts Wakka when Lulu rejects him, still spends time with them. Now though it's more studying, talking, wrestling, walking, and ball games, and a little less sleeping together.

They still sleep together. Kairi knows, of course. The boys also know about Selphie and Kairi. Kairi's made it clear she only wants to sleep with her and the boys have been good sports about it. Still, Selphie can't resist being a _little_ smug now and then even though she knows she shouldn't.

"Why you gotta be such a tease brudda?" Wakka complains.

"If you weren't so cute..." Tidus sighs. She just gives them both her cat's grin.

Oh, they get her back. They gang up on her during sport and Wakka constantly dangles things out of her reach, the jerk. Their goofs make Kairi laugh though, which is good, and Selphie _is_ a bit unbearable when she indulges in smugness. 

She still trips when she walks, still knocks things over while she's showing off all manner of skills, her physical prowess. Kairi just kisses her better these days—and maybe that makes her trip a little more.

Kairi still stares off into the sunset. Nobody's willing to go out to the play island.

Some things changed long before Selphie and Kairi started dating. _Now we just talk about them more._

That thought comes to mind one day when she and Kairi are walking down the beach. Kairi stops as they're strolling along the shore, turns to look out across the sea. Selphie's come to expect this sort of thing now and then, unfazed by Kairi's melancholic moments. She walks back to her side, tilts her body down and forward, peers up to look at her eyes. Sad, distant. _Of course._

"Sometimes I think..." Kairi says, pauses to tuck a stray hair behind her ear.

"Sometimes you think?" Selphie asks.

"Sometimes I think about the play island. I don't feel like I can go there without Riku but at the same time it's like—like something wants me to. There's this feeling in my chest..." She reaches up and places a hand over her heart, eyes on the water. Selphie looks down, sees a thalassa shell wash up on the shore. She bends and picks it up, hands it over when she rises.

"Want it?"

"Hmmm..." Kairi takes it, turns it over in her hands. "It's pretty. Thanks Selphie."

"No problem! But what about that feeling? The one in your chest?"

Kairi's fingers tighten around the shell. "It's like...a memory. It's telling me there's answers there."

"To the..." Selphie trails off, looks away for just a second. She doesn't when they talk about this. It makes her feel cold and empty, makes her feel lesser. Still she hates the thought of Kairi bottling up her thoughts inside. Letters and liquids belong in bottles, not hearts. "Is this about the thing that's missing?"

"Yeah. It's like I might've scrawled the answer somewhere or hidden something away."

"Kinda like how Wakka and Tidus buried that box of memories a few years back only to have Angelo dig it up?" Selphie says, thinking. Rinoa had felt so bad at the time but it'd been for the best. There'd been pictures Wakka had drawn of Chappu as a kid and old Blitzballs inside that helped him come to terms with losing his brother.

Kairi nods. "A little like that, although I'm more into letters and drawings than boxes."

"Where would you have done that though?" Selphie asks. "I know you and Riku liked to sneak off sometimes but Wakka and Tidus and I explored the island pretty well too. I can't really think of anywhere you'd have hidden something like that." She hums. _But if we went there now we could watch the sunset, just me and Kairi on the play island._ She pinches herself, pushes the thought aside. "Well we could go take a look? See if there's anything there?"

But Kairi shakes her head. "Not without Riku, not without..." She pauses, tries again. "Not until I know he's safe."

Selphie sighs, shrugs. "Nothing I can do then, except..."

There's squealing then, loud and delighted. It fills the air alongside the sound of splashes and washes all Selphie's worries away. The heat's still strong even this late in the day, sweat beading on her brow, her back, in the crook of her arms where they're wrapped around Kairi's stomach as she stumbles out of the water with her. She lifts her a little and spins her—usually Kairi's trick although Selphie's just strong enough to do it—but she slows quick because right now, with a mood like this? Well, she'd rather set her head on Kairi's shoulder, let her arms linger around her waist, feel her close, hold her tight.

And if she gets a little handsy, fingers creeping a little higher for a squeeze, Kairi only laughs, leans back and whispers, "Your place?"

Those moments are some of the best. She treasures the little comments that lead them back to her bedroom. It's too awkward at Kairi's place with the mayor and his wife around but Selphie's parents are usually out, busy fishing and harvesting. They didn't work so much when she was younger, worried for her due to her age and the loss of her birth parents, but now she's growing up they like to give her space.

She loves them for it. It's so much easier to have sex this way.

It's like exploring the island again, discovering something new each time. Kairi isn't exactly submissive—she's quite dominating when she wants to be—but she's generally content to let Selphie take control. Selphie's high energy makes it so much easier to do this and that and she loves it when her partners let her run amok. Oh, she can be soft, romantic, even demure when she wants to, but mostly she'd prefer to go wild!

Still, she loves it when Kairi pushes her down, has her on her back and panting as she parts her legs and licks into her. That always makes Selphie whine; her lips and tongue are so good, always getting her so wet, and she's so, so careful when she touches her, strong and steady, airy with an edge of _I could do more, I could always do more._ It has Selphie's desperate, pleading.

That might also be the fact Kairi always finds her clit though. Mercifully she's not as much of a dolt as Tidus. Wakka, perhaps miraculously, never has that problem, but he's just a little too big for her to take comfortably. _Also not a problem I have to worry about with Kairi_.

Silly thoughts like that leave her mind entirely when Kairi's hands grip her thighs, tongue pressing in deep, slipping back out to roll over her clit. Selphie squirms, whole body shaking as she comes all over her face.

She takes thoughts of that moment to bed with her, humping the mattress, fingers sliding into her pants more times than she can count. 

Still Selphie likes it when she gets Kairi on her back or side, opening up her legs so she can press their bodies together. She's good at this, grinding until Kairi is gasping, fingers tangling in the bed sheets, in Selphie's hair. It feels so good to be on top of her, though maybe it's because it feels best to hold her this way in the afterglow. Hugging Kairi is always nice but few things can compare to laying on her as she does so.

The only issue, really, is that Selphie gets less homework done despite the fact she's not sleeping with Wakka and Tidus as often these days. _But who needs homework when you have boobs! Well, boobs other than my own and no brain, Wakka's don't count!_

But as funny as her thoughts can be she knows, deep down, homework isn't the only issue. Anytime they linger too long on the beach, or when Kairi looks up at the sky, Selphie can see that distance again. When they're playing and talking and laughing together it doesn't matter and when they're having sex Kairi only seems to have eyes for her—even if she stumbles over her name sometimes, something funny in the way she says it.

_I know a lot of people like hanging out with you but you're not really close to anyone else whose name starts with an S. I'm not that good at sex, am I? Or could you really forget my name?_

It shouldn't be an issue—especially since Selphie doesn't mind sharing—but when she sees that distance she knows it is one. If Kairi wanted to be with Tidus and Wakka she wouldn't mind. If Riku came back, well, it's not like Selphie wouldn't enjoy a go at him herself. Even if there were another girl Selphie wouldn't be bothered.

But that distance in Kairi's eyes leaves her aching. _I make her smile, I make her laugh. She makes me feel special—heck, I am special to her, so why?..._

She doesn't know. She just knows that look, that distance, knows the dread she feels, the way it bleeds into her thoughts about sharing with Riku—though not the others, for whatever reason. It haunts her even as she pushes it down, down, down. _I don't wallow after all._

And she doesn't, really. Hurts and aches stay at bay.

They're on the beach again one day, taking a trip down on the weekend instead of after school. Exams are on the horizon but despite all the distractions in her life Selphie's pretty on top of things. The truth is that, ultimately? There's a head on her shoulders and it's a pretty smart one too.

_Smarter than Tidus and Wakka's put together, heh!_

The smarts don't save her from the ache though, when she sees Kairi drifting again. Her eyes on the waves, trying to remember; what was there to remember?

_Aren't I enough?_

Selphie sends that thought out to sea and goes to her side, picks up another thalassa shell on the shore. She's collected enough for Kairi to make a wayfinder if she wants to. Selphie's more interested in paopu fruit than travelling charms but she knows Kairi likes them. _She knows I like the paopu legend too, so maybe one day..._

That's another thought she sends out to sea, instead holding out the shell. "You okay?"

Kairi blinks once, smiles, shrugs and takes the shell. "Of course, I just...I guess studying for our exams is really doing a number on me, huh."

"Hm, it's okay. Do you want us to cut down on our...you know." Her smile's coy, deliberately obtuse. It's enough to have Kairi blushing. _Success!_

"No, I—I wanna keep doing that."

"Eheh, okaaaaaay!" Selphie sings, swinging her bag behind her as she bends at the waist, looks up. "Do you wanna talk though? Got something on your mind?"

Kairi pauses and Selphie's smile falls a little. It's not jealousy, not this time, but there's still a tightness in her chest. Kairi's eyes seem almost sad, so lost, and she wants to soothe her, take the pain away. _Like a balm, I guess. Is it weird to want to be a balm for her?_

But Kairi shakes her head, sighs. "I guess I'm just thinking about Riku again. I wonder about him, y'know. If he's okay or if he's lost..."

"Lost what? Himself? Or his way?"

"I dunno. I get the strangest feeling. Even before he left there was something off but now..." She sighs again. "And there's always that feeling, like I can't make sense of it until I figure out that feeling of missing something—missing someone?"

Selphie doesn't know what else to do, just wants her pain to go away. "Hmmm, y'know, I think I know who this missing person might be..."

"Oh?" Kairi smirks.

"It's me!" Selphie squeals, stepping back and throwing both her arms up in the air. She nearly knocks herself in the head with her bag, but Kairi either doesn't notice or doesn't mind, maybe even finds it charming because she laughs and laughs until all the hurt on her face goes away.

"Know what Selphie? I can believe that." Kairi puts her thalassa shell in her bag then holds out her hand. "Your place?"

"Yes please!" Selphie exclaims, smiles, and threads their fingers together.

* * *

Sometimes they lounge on the pier at sunset. Selphie only sometimes asks to cross, always asking why Kairi won't go just to see if she remembers anything; about Riku leaving, about what she's forgotten. She never knows if she's happy or sad when Kairi says she hasn't. _What do I really want?_ She wonders, even though all she has to do is look to the side to have her answer.

They're lounging there again today, golden hues turning to violet and red on the horizon. They've been somewhat scandalous recently, Selphie introducing Kairi to all her favorite outdoor spots to play. Kairi's much more of an indoor person, a bit private, but there's something about the heat of the air and the kiss of the wind that gets her going. _I suppose you can like your privacy and like doing it outdoors_ , Selphie thinks, a little flushed.

Even she's tired though, especially after that last race down to the dock. It took her back to games just like it on the beach across the sea from them—feeling beat and a little sore, but happy. _Although it wasn't usually my wrists that were sore_. At least their stomachs aren't, the two of them meeting up with Tidus and Wakka beforehand for an early dinner. They'd even watched a bit of their ball game before parting ways, the boys content to let them go.

_Maybe I underestimated them. It looks like they can read a room occasionally!_

The mood is good, soft, the edge of Selphie's earlier high giving way. Kairi's silent and at first that seems ideal, just the two of them at peace, but then Selphie turns and sees the look on her face. Her heart drops, just a little, to see distance limned in gold. "Something on your mind?" She asks, leans in. She has to. She can't let Kairi struggle alone.

"Isn't there always?" Kairi laughs, but it lacks the edge of her usual humor. "I was just remembering things. When we were racing I thought of Riku, how he always used to love doing that. I can't get him off my mind now, how it was before he left, how I felt. Things like that, y'know."

"How much do you remember? That time's pretty murky for you, isn't it?"

Kairi nods. "I don't really remember the night he left. It was more—the times just before it?"

"You wanna talk about it?" Selphie asks, kicking her legs. Knowing it's about Riku fills her with a little less dread. She's curious, and a little concerned.

"Yeah, I guess."

"Okay, I'm listeninnnnnnnnnng!"

Kairi laughs again but it fades fast. She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear before settling her hands in her lap, fingers pushing and pressing against each other. _That's odd_. Usually Kairi's thoughts of Riku are laced with affection, but this is different. Now and then Selphie glimpses this—the shadow of her feelings for him, for the friend that got away. _What happened between the two of you?_

"Riku and I, right before he left we—we weren't seeing eye to eye."

"Why?" Selphie stares up at her.

"We're just different I guess. I know deep down he loves his home but I think—I think it also felt like a cage to him, sometimes. Riku feels a lot and there was plenty bottled up inside him; dreams and fears, boredom, angst, you know?"

"I know," Selphie sighs. "But I guess it was hitting him harder than it hit us, right?"

"Hm. I think he hides parts of himself without being really good at it. Like, he wasn't ever super secretive or anything. It's more how deeply he felt that he hid, although even then he was pretty passionate."

"I'll say." She remembers a tiny version of their mutual friend, the way he too always looked out over the sea. _But Kairi and him never looked the same. Even if they're both longing they're still so different inside._ "But what was happening between you and Riku?"

Kairi sighs. "I dunno. There was nothing I could do for him and the way he was speaking about things, the way he felt...it upset me. I didn't like the way he talked about our home. Destiny Islands is small and I don't blame him for feeling that way but—but I didn't like how he said it. It felt like he was calling it meaningless. When he'd go on and on I'd end up rolling my eyes or I'd stop paying attention because...he couldn't understand. Riku doesn't know what it's like to lose a home, but I do. We may be small but him implying this place and its people doesn't matter I just—I hated hearing him speak like that. Destiny Islands is more than a home to me. It saved me, gave me shelter when I had none. It's the world to me and so are you and Riku and everyone and S—"

Her voice catches and Selphie reaches for her. She isn't crying though, just choked up in the moment. Still Selphie takes her hand, rubs the back of it. "I thought maybe something was up but I—I didn't know. I guess I always admired Riku for his big dreams, they always seemed so romantic to me. I knew things were a little rough just before he left but I guess I didn't realize how rough exactly."

"It's okay. I don't think anyone really noticed and I still think he's good deep down. I—I just...I worry, about him and..."

"And?"

Her hand squeezes Selphie's, tight, sweaty. "Dunno." She shakes her head. "Riku was changing and I don't think there was anything I could do to stop it. If it were a good change I wouldn't have minded but it—it wasn't. I cared about him but I—" She cut herself off. "I couldn't do anything. It almost made me want to go without him, although now I've had time to think about it that would've been disastrous. If I wanted to leave because I was scared of him and what he could do, imagining what he'd try if we did leave him behind..." A shaky breath escapes her. "Still, even if I was scared, even if I always wanted to come back, I liked the idea of travelling, I—"

Another pause, this one longer. Selphie's heart skips a beat. "Kairi?"

"Sometimes it's like I can remember something," she says. "Like places I want to go or places I've been. I remember things. Someplace warm, sunlight through a window, rows and rows of books, beautiful gardens, and a story told in a sweet, old voice. Other memories don't always feel like mine though—white rooms with drawings that make me sad and a loneliness I want to ease and so many strange places, strange worlds, strange creatures..."

"Kairi?" Selphie finds herself repeating, twining their fingers. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Kairi's voice shakes and she stops, clears her throat. "In the end what was important to me was journeying with the people I loved and coming back here. Before he left I wasn't sure Riku was a person I could love, though I feel like I love him again now. He's my friend and—I want him to be okay, to be happy. And even if I couldn't come back I'd want to make sure this place was always safe, always well. I'd always long to come back here though, back home." Her eyes go to Selphie and Selphie's heart skips another beat.

_Oh._

Kairi sighs. "Riku didn't really care about that at the time. Maybe when he was younger, but not just before he left, and I was so worried about—about being changed by him? About losing the part of me that loved the light and kindness of this place because—I was bored? Or because I stopped caring about the little things, the bonds people share."

"Huh," Selphie hums. "I don't think that could happen to you, you know? You liked Riku but I don't think you admired him enough for that. Even if you did I still don't think that's the sort of person you'd become."

A little chill goes down her spine when she's sees Kairi staring off into the distance again, eyes unfocused. "No...no you're right. It wasn't me that admired him, it wasn't me I was scared for..."

Selphie tilts her head. "Then who? It couldn't have been me or one of the boys right?"

"It—must've just been Riku I guess. I know I was worried for him. I know I am now at least, but..."

Nothing comes of that thought. Kairi shakes her head, takes her hand from Selphie's to push back her hair again. Her thread of thought's lost, unraveled in the breeze. Selphie doesn't mind, just leans in close again. "I'm sure he understood in the end. I'm sure he knows you care, knows you believe in him again. I'm sure he's thinking of you just like you're thinking of him, and maybe he even puts a thought aside for Wakka and Tidus and lil' old me."

Kairi giggles. "Yeah, I bet. I know he still cared after all, whatever he lost along the way. I know we'll see each other again. I made a wayfinder before we left and I'm sure—I'm sure it'll find its way to him." She lets the breeze catch her hair this time, doesn't push it back behind her ear. "I left it to the sky and I know that's how he'll return."

"What, through the sky? Like a shooting star?"

"Maybe. But it's more—more like I know the sky carries our promise. One sky, one destiny. It binds me and Riku and you and all our other friends. I don't know, maybe I'm just being romantic, but it feels like I did make a promise to the sky once, and the sky made a promise back that it'd return with Riku and my lucky charm."

"Gosh, you're more romantic than I am sometimes. But y'know, I can believe it. Land, sea, and sky, they bind us all, right? The sea gives us life, the land gives us shelter, and the sky carries our hearts and dreams and connects us all. Enough to make a lil' flower like me feel sorta tiny when I think about it."

"Being tiny's alright. We're all small in the end. We're all just looking for something, the things we dream of, the things we've lost..."

Kairi falters. Selphie could push, but she doesn't. Her heart feels strange, both buoyed and sinking, out of sorts. She bobs in place, follows Kairi's eyes out to the sea and—ah! A thalassa shell rides on the churning waves. She bends down and snatches it from the sea; a pretty blue-green just like Riku's eyes. _A bond we both share to a faraway boy._ She looks up to see Kairi's eyes on her. Neither need to say anything for Kairi to hold out her hand, to know it's for her. Selphie smiles as she drops it in her palm.

"I'm getting a lot of these," Kairi teases.

"Sure are!"

"You know I'm making something for you from them."

Selphie giggles, tries not to get too giddy. "Really?"

"Yeah," Kairi smiles. "For a lil' flower just like me." It sounds silly coming from her, but even though Selphie laughs her heart's pounding. Kairi's looking at her, really looking, and Selphie knows their conversation's passed. "Hey, I know we just spent the day out but we've got homework, right? Well I was thinking we could do it together, at your place, and maybe you could show me your new bag charm while we're at it."

Selphie grins, leaps to her feet. "Sure! Sounds good. My new charm's really cute." She pauses, then pounces. "Not quite as cute as you though, so don't be too disappointed when you see it!"

And oh, she can't bring herself to be embarrassed when Kairi blushes so brightly. She's not surprised when she ends up getting chased down the beach, but it's worth it to see her cheeks so pink. They get back to her place just as indigo and stars take the sky, a sweet darkness threaded with the last of day's gold; no looming storm, no anxiety.

It makes Selphie believe that when the petals of her seaside blossom part there won't be any sorrow waiting inside.

* * *

It's not quite sunset, although the blue is fading from the sky. Rose and tropical hues seep in to take its place, painting the evening in summer colors. Sephie leads Kairi off the beaten track—Destiny Islands isn't a big place, mind you, but there are lots of little places off to the wayside that are ignored during daily life. If Kairi knows the play island better, well, Selphie's memorized all the special places the mainland has to offer—including the ones best suited for a celebration.

Exams are done, Wakka and Tidus have won their way into the Blitzball semifinals, and Kairi and Selphie had been together for months. The truth is Selphie doesn't count the days, never wrote down the exacts of when the two of them got together. Oh, she loves romantic stories about sacred fruits and the destines they bind and long walks on the beach at sunset, but there's something sweeter to her about letting their days as a couple blend into one. Love should be like that, she feels, something special woven into that day to day, something perpetual.

An eternal seaside sunset.

She takes Kairi to a circular clearing surrounded on three sides by trees. A few paopus bend and rise beside their fellow tropical foliage and flora, and though Selphie's still too afraid to share a fruit with Kairi, being here with her feels like receiving their blessing nonetheless. Where the trees end a stretch of sand begins, the fourth side of the clearing opening onto the ocean and offering a perfect vista of the sun sinking into the sea. There are flowers and little bushes dotting the ground, grass blending into sand the further out it goes. In the middle sits a picnic basket, alongside a small cluster of trees and a hammock strung between them, bigger than most.

They start slow, Selphie and Kairi sitting side by side and snacking on simple treats. There's fish smoked with herbs and wrapped in leaves for their main meal, followed by fruit and small half-moon pies. They share juice and laugh when it spills, sticky on their fingers.

Once they're done it's not a long walk down to the water, things shifting swiftly from romantic dinner date to childish play fighting once they reach it. It's wonderfully refreshing though, the evening still hot and humid otherwise. The gentle breeze is always welcome, arriving as a the sun's golden glow truly takes the sky, shadows lengthening.

It's then they meet in the water, silence replacing splashing as they embrace. For a moment Kairi seems distant again, Selphie's heart stuttering, head buzzing as she kisses her, takes her hand and drags her back to shore. She smiles and makes a random comment and Kairi laughs. Just like that it's sweet again, her heart at ease and Kairi's eyes on her. They stumble back to the hammock, almost dry despite the wet heat. 

Slow. They take it slow, hands running over chests and hips, over arms. Fingers catch on thin-strap sleeves and skirts and shorts, tugging them over heads and down legs. Selphie's breath catches too, even though she's seen Kairi countless times before. Blue eyes meet hers when she looks up; warm, inviting.

They climb into the hammock, swaying lightly in the breeze. Selphie's so glad the stillness from earlier in the day is gone, giving way as they sink into each other. She lets Kairi start, so eager and bright-eyed. She pushes her down and touches her all over, brushing fingers over her lips and cheeks. She gasps when she runs her hands over her breasts, teasing her until she's soaking, hands playing over her stomach and hips until she's squirming, ticklish.

"Kairiii," she complains.

"I know," Kairi laughs, voice soft. "But you're just so cute."

"This feels like revenge," Selphie pouts.

"Maybe it is," she says, punctuates the sentence with a gentle tap on Selphie's clit. Her fingers press and circle and Selphie whines, toes catching in the netting, hands reaching up to drag Kairi down for more kisses. She shivers into them when one, two fingers trail down and press inside, fucking her slowly. With Kairi's thumb rubbing her folds, pressing her clit, and her lips on her neck, _oh_ , Selphie won't last. She can't.

"Kairi..."

"Hmmm?" She hums next to ear. She knows what she's doing to Selphie, knows how much the wet sounds of her fingers inside her turns her on.

Knows how much it means to have her here, wanting to be with her like this. Selphie's throat trembles and she knows she can't say what she wants. "Feels good," works well enough in its place.

It does after all, her body tingling with every thrust, cunt clenching around Kairi's fingers, body shaking with every brush of Kairi's thumb. Her breasts are pressed against her, warm and soft, and everything is so perfectly sweet, overwhelming. She comes with a cry, swallowed down by more of Kairi's kisses. Her back arches, arms holding Kairi close.

They pause for a moment to let her get her bearings and then she's rolling Kairi onto her side. As her breathing slows her hands seek, sliding around to Kairi's chest. She bends her head to take one nipple in her mouth, mouthing over the breast as Kairi's arms wrap around her head. She loves it; the feel of her nipple hardening in her mouth, the weight of her breasts in her hands. Still she lets them go, slips from Kairi's hold to crawl down her body. Hands and lips caress her chest, her stomach, her hips, her thighs, and Selphie's so, so lucky. She can feel her every shudder, head pressing between her thighs. Kairi's hands are in her hair now, sliding through it as Selphie nuzzles her, breathes her in.

"I love kissing all your lips," she teases, laughs when Kairi giggle-snorts. _Cute._

She does though, loves the taste of her as she leaves open-mouthed kisses against Kairi's cunt. She's wet, soaking, already close. Selphie would be tempted to draw this out if she didn't know they had all the time in the world for more rounds. The sun always sets slow on Destiny Islands but this time of year promises an even more gradual descent into night. She buries her face between Kairi's legs and sucks her clit, rubs her with her tongue over and over until Kairi's lifting her hips, pushing closer. Selphie opens her mouth wider to cover as much of her as she can, sucking hard, clenching herself whenever Kairi moans. 

Her voice is so wonderful Selphie just has to hear more. She presses her tongue inside, listens, feels giddy delight blossoming in her stomach. Kairi's so hot and tight, so close to the edge. Selphie wastes no time slipping her fingers in, filling her up as best she can. One day she might drop some munny on the counter of the 'special' store in town and take one of the toys from inside just so she can try fucking Kairi that way, but for now she's happy with this.

Happy to be close to her, tasting her as she whimpers, whines, and comes on her face.

Selphie sighs, content, licking her as she trembles. They keep on like that, rolling over and grinding against each other, kissing and licking and biting lips and throats and chests. Their fingers press inside each other and run over each other's hips, waists, hands finally coming to meet each other and twining. They keep on until they're exhausted, spent, swaying in their seaside hammock.

The sun's still in the sky but the shadows are longer. It's still too hot and humid to bother with clothes. Selphie hopes her body draped over Kairi's is good enough. Kairi's beneath hers certainly does. It's like a tropical balm soothes over the places they touch, easing every ache, every longing.

But it doesn't. As sweet as it feels Selphie still longs. She wants to stay like this forever, capture this moment so it can't be taken by the tides of time. She wants to cast it so it skims over the waves, escapes their grasp and flies up past the sunset and into the stars—into eternity. She cannot though. All she can do is stay with Kairi and watch the paopu trees tilt in the breeze, their fruit bearing promises. _Maybe it's thoughts like these that give the paopu their power_ , she thinks. _The hope for something like destiny._

There are other longings, some simpler, some scandalous. Some are fantasies she'd like to stay in her head. Others are desires she wouldn't mind being made real. She wants to touch Kairi again soon, whether that be tonight or tomorrow or some time after. She'd like to touch her again in a few moments and do silly things, sexy things. A part of her almost wants someone to come along and see them, peek through the bushes and have the girls' bond seared into their heart, their mind. A part of her delights in the thought of others joining them, witnessing them and aiding them. They couldn't take her attention from Kairi, not now, but having some friends—or even strangers—fuck them while they fucked each other, love them while they loved each other...

Well, the thought does things for her.

Mostly though, she just wants this. Her and Kairi, together. She wants to be her tropical balm—the one to drown her in affection, to listen when she speaks, to soothe her when she aches, to give her love and sex and friendship. She cares about Wakka and Tidus and Riku and everyone, but there's something about Kairi she longs for. Her laughter, her thoughts, the way she teases but also supports, the way she endures, goes on no matter what. Her faith and will shine, light continuing on even as the darkest night comes and fear creeps in. They linger even when she's anxious and leans against Selphie, when she's strong and can keep on without her.

When she looks toward the sea and yearns for something, someone else.

Selphie nestles her head beneath Kairi's chin and aches for Kairi's heart to be here with her, in this languid heat, in this place.

But Kairi's gaze is on the sea again, out on the island just within sight. Selphie wants to go there but Kairi won't. The worst is that she knows there must be something there; something about Riku, yes, and how Kairi longs for him, but also another. Selphie can feel the shape of them sometimes, someone she doesn't quite know. He reminds her a little of herself sometimes but she knows they're also different in many ways. She hopes they are at least. She hopes she isn't just a shadow of him.

Then the moment passes and she wonders if she's making him up to deal with the fact that, in the end, Kairi's heart isn't hers. Still, she can be her balm and maybe, just maybe, something might come of all this longing.

"Selphie?" Kairi says.

"Hm?" Selphie hums.

"You mean a lot to me. I know my heart's strange but you mean so much, you really do. I love you, okay?"

Selphie isn't sure how she feels, but those words ease something inside her. She smiles, murmurs, "I know."

_I just don't know if it'll ever compare to the love you hold for him. For them._

Still they stay together, skin against skin, until the sun sets and the moment departs with the day.

* * *

The year's almost done. There's no more studying to do and Tidus and Wakka's Blitzball team have won the championship game. They're still going to practice of course, eager to win again next year. As it is, Wakka's still trying to figure out if he should ask Lulu on a date again soon, or wait until he's won next year's game. On Selphie's advice he's going to try a more thoughtful approach—one that doesn't involve blurting his question out at lunchtime while she's sitting with her friends. "Don't put her on the spot! She needs time and privacy to think, doofus!"

Tidus worries he'll be left behind. Selphie doesn't. She's sure Lulu will be fine with him spending time with the two of them. Selphie's not so sure she'll be welcome. She has no idea if Lulu likes girls or not. She wouldn't have to if she was content to tolerate her, but truly? Selphie doesn't mind if Lulu takes her place. Tidus and Wakka are her dearest friends and she'll always make time for them, but Kairi's her most constant companion these days.

It's that time she spends with Kairi that lets her see her grow, see how lovely she's become in the past year. Selphie can only hope she'll have that sort of aura one day, mystical as the evening tide. She's smart enough to know she'll probably always be a mousy girl, bright like tropical flowers as opposed to magical as an ocean rose. She also knows that her longing is twisted, desire skewed. It's a painful thing, to love something and know it's going away, desperate to keep just a part of it inside yourself even as the rest of it drifts beyond your grasp.

_In the end I don't want to be her, but if being her keeps her with me then I'll take what I can get._

Kairi's been strange lately though. Just yesterday she collapsed on the way home then hurried off to write a letter to a boy. Not Riku, no, but another one. _The_ other one.

Selphie told her she doesn't know him. Still there's something there today; a shape, a shadow that lingers at the back of her mind, that's been lingering there for a while now. He really is more like her than she'd like, similar in ways that make her wonder if Kairi really saw her all this time or if she's just a distorted reflection of someone else.

_Is he better than me? How? What could I do to be better than him?_

She doesn't like those thoughts, but they're there. The boy matters enough to Kairi that she'd rather rush off and write a letter to him and leave the charm she was making for Selphie undone. Selphie watched as she sent it out in a seaborne bottle, words she'll never read drifting away.

She tries not to think too hard about it. She doesn't like to wallow and there's so much going on. She knows Kairi cares deeply about her, knows there's more to her feelings than seeing the silhouette of some mysterious boy in her. She knows she's not that cruel. Besides, Kairi's hurting too, and Selphie won't let her hurt alone, won't let her aches go untreated, unseen.

There's something else too, something strange—affection for the shadow boy blossoming in her heart. She wonders where it came from and why it left, wonders why her head feels funny these days. There's a haze inside her and she wonders, perhaps ridiculously, if everything she knows is about to change, if she'll ever really remember this summer the same.

_Do I care about him too? Do I miss him like I miss Riku? How many things that were supposed to be in my heart are missing? Where are the people that used to be there?_

She doesn't know. When she mentions it to Wakka and Tidus they don't remember another boy either. _Not yet, anyway._

Today she walks along the same path she did yesterday, Kairi's body at her side but her gaze so far away. It's almost like her mind is with someone else; Riku, the boy, or some other mysterious person. She said Roxas once—but then she said Sora? Selphie didn't know anybody by either of those names.

This time Kairi doesn't collapse when they reach the crest of the hill, view of the play island spread out before them. Selphie wants to go there, see if there really were answers hiding in its nooks and crannies. She won't go without Kairi though—it matters too much to her and besides, Selphie doesn't want to go alone. She doesn't want to be alone.

_If Tidus and Wakka would go with me then I could play there at least. If we went then maybe I wouldn't have to go searching for whatever's there, maybe just being there would make my memories come clean. Maybe..._

"Selphie?"

She turns, bends as she always does to peer up at Kairi. "Yeah?"

Kairi smiles but it's so, so sad. "I just—I wanted to tell you something."

"Hm?"

"It feels like something's coming together, like things that were missing from my head are returning. The missing pieces are coming back and my heart...it's overflowing."

"Yeah?" She says it softer this time, as much a question as it is an answer. There's so much in Kairi's eyes. They're full to brimming in fact. She seems calm outside but Selphie can tell, can see there really is something overflowing inside of her, something poured back into place. There's a storm raging, a downpour, and none of the hot, humid stillness of their summer will soothe it. There's agony, anguish that something went missing, that there's something she still doesn't know, and endless delight at it coming back to her.

Yet despite it all her voice is quiet when she says, "I'm sorry I've been neglecting you."

"It's fine Kairi," Selphie shrugs. "I don't mind."

"I'm not so sure. Maybe..." But whatever she would have said is lost with a shake of her head. "Nevermind. Selphie?"

"Yeah?"

"If anything happens I want you to know I'll come back. As much as I love adventure, I also love our home. One day I hope everyone I love gets to be here to talk about our battles, the things we've seen and learned, the bonds we've made. I hope we get to talk about our journeys, big and small. Right now I think someone far away needs me, but I know in the end we're going to come back here. I'll do what I can to save those I love, even leave, but this—this is home."

Selphie smiles, holds her gaze. It's on her, even if only for a moment. "Sounds good! It'll be great when Riku and....when Riku gets back."

"Yeah..." Just like that, Kairi's looking back out over the sea again. She shivers, legs and arms shaking. "Selphie, I feel a little..."

Really, there's only one choice for Selphie. She reaches out and takes her hand, twines their fingers together and presses her body close to hers. The shaking stops and maybe—maybe the storm can be soothed; just a little, just for now.

"It's okay," she says. "I'm here with you Kairi. I'm here for you. Promise."

And _oh_ , the light in Kairi's eyes makes all the suffering worth it.

* * *

Kairi's gone.

She's missing, just like Sora and Riku before her. A part of Sephie wants to be glad she's only been gone a little while, but in a way that's worse. Unlike Sora and Riku it's more likely she's alone, traversing the seas searching for them. Selphie can't imagine anyone sailing a raft off into that great, unknown expanse, but she also doesn't know of any other way to leave the Islands either.

Still she's not surprised Kairi couldn't wait any longer. She's not stupid, but if there's a chance to get what she wants then Kairi will take it. Through fear and pain she'll endure, seeking the people she's bound to by her promises.

_Oathkeeper._

It's that thought that keeps Selphie going. She walks home alone, stopping at the crest of the hill to look out over the ocean. She doesn't cry. She comforts Tidus and Wakka and their other friends as best she can, stops by the homes of Riku, Sora, and Kairi's families to bring them homemade food and well wishes. It's clumsily made, maybe, but she knows parents are usually endeared to that sort of thing. It's a distraction at least; for them and for her.

She's trying not to think about all the weird spaces in her memory. She's trying not to think about why she can think of Riku and his absence with ease, why Sora always seems a little hazy. She's trying not to sink into the mire, trying not to wonder what the differences are; between her and Sora and Riku. She's trying not to worry about Kairi.

But there's no balm for her. The wayfinder Kairi was making lies unfinished in her bedroom.

Selphie can only smile for others. She does it so well though, will keep on doing it until Kairi and their friends return or the sun sets into the sea forever, covering the world in endless, starless night.

_When she comes back she won't be mine._

Even so, she walks down the hill and to the shore, plucks a paopu from a tree and sets it adrift in the water.

_I don't need you to be mine, I just need you to come home. Sora, Riku._

_Kairi._

* * *

Selphie smiles, a little sad. Her mind returns to the present, past hazy once more. She thinks it might always be like that though she can't know for sure. She blinks, takes in the sun and the endless blue sky, sweltering in the midday heat. Everything is lovely, even if she may only watch it from afar. She cannot be a part of the play happening down in the water, cannot join the chaotic mess of bodies splashing and swimming.

Wakka and Tidus are setting up nets, Riku, Sora, and Kairi playing in the waves. It's almost silly how much fun they're having, but it's the sort of silly Selphie loves, wishes she could join.

Not today though. Today she looks at Sora and sees his brightness, his energy, and feels like a shadow beside him. She sees Riku, strong, adventurous, mellowed and matured since their last meeting, and knows she can't compare. She cannot shine like Sora. She has not grown like Riku.

She sighs, swallows, and looks to Kairi, sees her happy and safe. Smiles. Selphie knows she'll be okay. 

_I'm just glad I could keep you happy until you had to go. I'm just glad you all got back safely. I'm just glad you're here._

She closes her eyes and thinks of the paopu fruit she gave to the water and wonders if it helped, even a little. If not, maybe that's okay. Knowing someone, somewhere out there cares for you does a great deal to heal a heart. Selphie thinks that might be enough for Riku, for Sora, for Kairi.

She keeps her eyes closed, listens as the splashing down on the shore continues. There's a creak behind her though, more than the pier's old wood in the wind. She readies herself, steadies her heart. She isn't sure who it is until they sit beside her, but once they do she knows without sight.

"Selphie," Kairi says.

"Kairi," Selphie murmurs, opens her eyes. The breeze catches in her red hair, lovely as always.

They say nothing for a moment, the two of them looking out over the sea. Then Kairi leans over and kisses her. Selphie's heart tangles, trips over itself, but the kiss isn't unwelcome. They'd got into a habit before, kissing without needing to ask. She's surprised still, doesn't manage to give back before Kairi's pulling away.

"Selphie," she says, "I'm not abandoning you. None of us are." She breathes deep, tucks her hair behind her ear. "I need to be with them now. I love them and I miss them and a lot's happened between us. They understand things about me I don't think anyone else can, understand the weight in my heart. They're special to me, Selphie, so very special, and I need to be there for them."

Selphie tries not to show her hurt on her face, discovers she can't conceal it for once in her life. She tilts her head away, tries to hide, but Kairi reaches out and stops her, turns her back so gently she has to follow. Kairi's smiles is small, delicate, but true.

"Sora and Riku are special, yes, but so are you. Wakka and Tidus too, but you especially, and there are things you know about me that none of the others ever will, and even if Sora and Riku and I disappear again we'll come back to you. I'll come back, I promise. Until then though I need to figure this all out; being with them and being with you. It's all too much and not enough, huh?"

Those simple words bring light back to Selphie's heart. There's bubbles inside her, lifting her up, and the joy they bring must show on her face because Kairi laughs.

"You still like me?" Selphie asks. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," Kairi says and presses another kiss to her lips. "Promise." One more. "Thank you for taking care of me."

Selphie smiles and holds Kairi's hand as they listen to their friends playing on the shore. Just like that, everything is okay. The cuts and scraps remain, might scar, but the wet heat of summer soothes them, spreads across each wound like a tropical balm.

 _It's something magical alright_.


End file.
